Woody sat all alone in the dark in his toybox in Oxford, asking himself for the thousandth time – where did it all go wrong? Surely it wasn’t all that long ago that the love had only been flowing one way – towards him – and what more could any self-respecting toy ask for? For as anyone knows, if you are a toy, it is love that makes the world go round – and Woody’s world had been spinning just fine.
Just five short years ago, the whole world loved him – well, nearly all. Sure, there were a few spoilsports who dared to suggest he couldn’t continue all the great work – all the love he generated – when he was one of the gang at the Henley toybox. But he had been certain he could do every bit as well, maybe even more so, if he struck out on his own: the only toy on his shelf.
But now everybody reckoned he was a cowboy – and not in the good way. Because of course he was a cowboy – heck, he was the cowboy. What was it one of his former cheerleaders used to call him? That was it – “The rootinest tootinest cowboy in the mid, mid-west of England.” Who was it who came up with that one? Oh right – it was Jeffy, wasn’t it? Ah – Jeffy! Jeffy had loved him for sure but now …
Rat-tat-tat! Regular as clockwork, the sound Woody had come to dread echoed through the darkness of his toybox. “I’m still here, Woody,” came a familiar voice from outside. “Why won’t you open the lid so we can talk?” “Please go away, Jeffy,” Woody pleaded. “I have nothing to say to you.” “But I’ve come all this way,” Jeffy persisted. “If you’d called, I could have saved you a trip,” Woody replied.
Read Part 2 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
“I really think you’d feel better if you just told me how awful you feel about everything that’s happened,” said Jeffy. “But I haven’t done anything wrong,” Woody protested. “PR – Puffosaurus Rex – and I have come up with brilliantly pedantic defences of every single decision I have made in the last five years. I mean, you’re not the only cheerleader who’s been asking for a chat with me.”
“But I’m not any old cheerleader,” came the confident reply. “I’m Jeffy.” Woody said nothing. If he kept quiet, maybe Jeffy would go away although, with every passing day, that seemed less and less likely. Had Jeffy set up camp outside the toybox? If so, it would be getting pretty crowded out there, what with that awful former friend, the pig, hoping to get him to say something for an episode of his awful little TV show, Hammorama.
Read Part 3 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
“Did I mention the emails, Woody?” Jeffy tried again. “You always mention the emails, Jeffy” Woody sighed. “Never a day goes by that you don’t.” “Fair enough,” Jeffy conceded. “But still, I really think you’d feel better if you read them. They’re from all the little people who gave you all of their love and what did you do in return? You …”
“Stop, Jeffy … please,” Woody almost shouted. “I know what we did and we had to do it, you hear?” “You treated them as if they were from another planet,” Jeffy interrupted. “But they are quite literally from another planet,” Woody protested. “They’re the little green men from that fairground game.” “And they looked up to you.” “Of course they did – they’re about three inches tall.”
“Do you even know their names?” Even Jeffy knew that was a bit harsh because the aliens didn’t actually have names – but Woody had stopped listening. His mind had drifted back to that fateful day – the day he had trapped the little green men in their fairground game, removing the Get-Out Claws so there was no escape. But he had done it for their own good – why could nobody understand that?
It had to be done – just as he had to keep insisting the aliens continue to love him. Was that so bad? He was a toy and toys need love. That’s what he had told Woody. Ah – was that the moment it all went wrong? When the pair of them took that decision? Or was it all much, much earlier, when the idea of leaving the Henley toybox and starting afresh had first been raised between Woody … and Spaceman?
To be continued …
You can read Part 2 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here and Part 3 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
