Looking back on things, as Woody generally did these days as he sat alone in his toybox, teaming up with Lots-o-Patience Bear was a huge mistake. So huge, in fact, it was extraordinary to think nobody had said anything at the time – or at least nobody he had wanted to listen to. Maybe Puffosaurus Rex and a few of his other former friends had raised an eyebrow – but not Spaceman and certainly not Woody himself.
They had thought Lots-o-Patience Bear was a great idea – a giant, cuddly teddy bear that smelt of strawberries and had an inbuilt promise of patience? Who wouldn’t want a toy like that? And indeed, for a while, everybody had felt the same. They poured so much love into Lots-o that Woody and Spaceman almost didn’t know what to do with it (though, to be fair, they gave it a jolly good go).
But then disaster struck as it turned out Lots-o-Patience Bear wasn’t quite what everybody had thought he was. He was mean, he had zero patience and, whatever he smelt of, it definitely wasn’t strawberries. All things considered, Woody reckoned, it had been a very bad experience for him – in fact, wasn’t it around this time Big Baby had turned on him?
It fell to Big Baby to ensure every toy behaved himself, herself or itself – and she was ruthless. Not only was she very big, she was also very scary-looking – largely on account of the one eye that was perpetually stuck looking backwards. Still, what Woody had found was, if you knew how to deal with her, Big Baby wasn’t nearly so scary as she looked.
Read Part 1 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
In those first few years, when the love was pouring in, Big Baby could not have been nicer and it was only when things started going wrong and people started taking their love elsewhere – particularly that horrid toyshop in Kent – that she became distinctly unfriendly. In fact, Woody suddenly realised, when things start to go wrong, everybody can become distinctly unfriendly.
It was as if all the love dried up. So not only did Big Baby stop loving him, all the toy-testers stopped. All the toy-sellers stopped. All the toy catalogues stopped – even the Bristol Toy Barn although, to be fair, they kept on loving him the longest. Even the little green men stopped pouring their love his way – though that was less of an issue once he removed their Get-Out Claws. For their own good, of course.
Read Part 2 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
Worst of all, all his friends turned against him – Jeffy, Puffosaurus Rex, even Linky the ACD (Anatomically Curious Dog), whose role in all this was so confusing the awful pig thought it was safer to leave him out of his awful Hammorama programme as his viewers would never understand. Even Bullseye, his beloved horse, had refused to let him ride him because of all the strange new equipment he’d started wearing.
Why had he ever listened to Spaceman on that – gradually dumping his tried-and-tested cowboy hat and boots, his belt and his six-shooter – his sheriff’s star, for heaven’s sake – and replacing them with laser-guns and death-rays and helmets and a jetpack and who knows what else? In retrospect, it was probably that ridiculous communicator module that proved the last straw for poor old Bullseye.
“They’ve all let me down,” he sighed. “I haven’t a friend in the world. “I’m still here,” came a voice from the corner of the toybox. “Spaceman?” said Woody, his heart skipping a beat. “Don’t be daft – he’s long gone,” the voice replied. “I’m Forky. Remember me? The one who joined your gang most recently of all and so accepts you, including your faults?”
“Oh Forky, it’s so good to hear your …” Woody began before stopping short. “My faults? What do you mean my faults? Present cutlery accepted, I’m all alone in here because everyone else has let me down – Spaceman, Jeffy and the other cheerleaders, Linky, Rex, the Hammorama pig, Sarge and the Bucket O Soldiers, Lots-o-Patience Bear, Big Baby, the Bristol Toy Barn and the other catalogues, the toy-testers, the toy-sellers …
“And what one thing do they all have in common?” Forky asked. “Really, Forky?” asked Woody quietly. “You really think I might have played some small part in this story myself.” Woody was quiet for a long time as he thought about the implications of this extraordinary idea. “Oh Fork,” he sighed.
You can read Part 1 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here and Part 2 of Woody’s Christmas round-up here
