“How long did you actually trade as ‘KRMTD’ in the end?” I asked the chairman of the insignificantly-sized investment company Kermitted Asset Management when we caught up the other day. “23 days?” “Who’s counting?” he shrugged in response. “The lesson to take from the whole business is, if it’s not right, it’s not right – and you just have to be big enough to face facts and do what needs to be done.”
“An admirable sentiment,” I nodded. “Though I’m not sure it will ever catch on in the wonderful world of investment. Still, please don’t tell me it was quite literally everybody laughing at your rebrand that caused the about-turn.” “Not at all,” the chairman shook his head. “I still firmly believe the new brand built on our heritage and was modern, dynamic and … and …”
“And, most importantly, it was engaging for all of your client and customer channels,” I reminded him of the relevant line of the recent press release. “Just so,” the chairman nodded. “Still, all that notwithstanding, what I confess I had overlooked in the whole process is that, no matter how awesome the rebrand, nothing concentrates the mind on whether it is absolutely necessary so much as an eye-wateringly enormous bill for new stationery.”
“Of course,” I said. “So it’s back to business as usual, then?” “There’s no such thing as ‘business as usual’ at Kermitted Asset Management, thank you very much,” the chairman protested. “When you’re the only asset manager in the country – no, the planet – pursuing the sacred art of sustainable investing, I’ll have you know we are the most unusual business you will ever meet.”
“No argument from me there,” I smiled. “But what do you mean when you say Kermitted is the only company doing sustainable investing?” “I’m not sure I can be any plainer,” said the chairman. “Kermitted. Is. The …” “Please don’t,” I interrupted. “No – what I’m saying is that, if I stood outside Bank tube station, I couldn’t throw a stone without it hitting someone who now works in sustainable investment in some shape or form.”
“Challenge accepted!” said the chairman, rising to his feet and pulling on his jacket. “It was just an expression,” I sighed. “And the police were very clear about what would happen if they caught us doing that again. Back to the matter in hand, what makes Kermitted so different from the oh-so-many other groups that set themselves out as investing for the greater good?”
“Well, for one thing, we are not … I can barely bring myself to say the word … ‘greeeen-washers’,” the chairman said, as if he had just sipped petrol. “Did you know, for example, that, according to Morningstar, 256 funds repurposed or rebranded as sustainable last year – up from 179 in 2019? And that this industry was halfway to beating the 2020 figure before February was even done?”
“I did know that,” I nodded. “Like you, I suspect, I read it in Portfolio Adviser. It does suggest a touch of green make-up is being applied here and there …” “A touch?” snorted the chairman. “It suggests whole ranges are being spray-painted chartreuse, mint and lime – and yet every single one of our funds was badged as sustainable from day one.” “That’s true,” I conceded. “Though, to be fair, your ‘day one’ was only last year.
“Plus, I’m old enough to remember you adding the word ‘ethical’ to every fund offered by the business you ran in 1997 – and the same with ‘SRI’ in 2007. I guess what we have here, really, is confirmation of that recent survey from the good, good people of iResearch Services, suggesting 52% of financial services professionals believe greenwashing is ‘rife’ within the industry.
“Furthermore, 38% of those polled apparently believe every business within financial services is operating unethically – by falsely claiming to be sustainable when they are not environmentally-friendly practitioners. I’m sure there’s a great analogy here but I just can’t get past the People’s Front of Judea calling all their close competitors ‘splitters’ in Life of Brian.”
“Hey – chartreuse, mint and lime,” mused the chairman. “Do you think …?” “No,” I cut him off. “That would be one truly revolting cocktail.”
